we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
