You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
