i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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