so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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