a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
