Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
even my farts smell like vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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