Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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