Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
