also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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