I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this is an emotional support booty call
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
