First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
