I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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