I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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