If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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