Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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