found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
