Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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