M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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