They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
