Cold hands, warm shart.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
