my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
