Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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