Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
