So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
