omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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