I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
