ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
