you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
