my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sext me about skeletons
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