oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
