Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
