two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
