Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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