Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
