im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
