I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
