Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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