does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
honey bunches of taint.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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