WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
