More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
