Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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