Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
