In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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