Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
