help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
