just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
