he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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