I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
