I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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