i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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