omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
