We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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