So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
