My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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