I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
