One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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