he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
