Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
